Paper or Plastic

Okay, so this isn't as 'serious' or 'deep' as my blogs usually are, but its still something worth discussing.

I buy a lot of CDs. Anyone who knows me knows that. Just this week, I got three new ones (The Letter Black's "Breaking the Silence EP", David Crowder Band's "Chruch Music" and Paramore's "brand new eyes," if you were wondering). I have been building my CD collection for years. Back a few years ago, every single CD was packaged in a jewel case. Those are nice because they hold everything really well, you know? Recently, some CDs have been packaged in various cardboard holders (ex. The Almost "No Gift to Bring EP" and Copeland's "Eat, Sleep, Repeat"). These usually involve a nice little pocket for the CD sleeve and a plastic thing that holds the CD itself.

At first, I was completely against these cardboard CD cases. They aren't all made the same and for some reason, that bugged me. In some, the CD sleeve was put in a pocket. In others, it was glued on. I like consistency. However, I also began to dislike jewel cases because they crack so easily! Even just having one in the car could cause it to get damaged.

So after much (pointless) mental debate, I have decided that I am a fan of the cardboard cases. I want all CDs to be packaged like that. They make my life easier.

And that is the end of a short and random blog.

Oh, How He Loves Us

A few months ago, I found a video on youtube of my favorite band, Flyleaf, playing a song called How He Loves. I had never heard the song before but really liked it so I did a little research and discovered that it was written by an independant musician named John Mark McMillan. I found a video of him talking about why he wrote the song and also playing it, found here.

This video is powerful. Several times throughout the video, John is so filled with emotion that he begins to cry. The short story of how this song came about is that John's best friend Stephen prayed one morning during a prayer meeting that he would give his life if it would move the youth of the nation. That same day, Stephen was killed in a car crash. John wrote the song the following day just out of grief and didn't do anything with it for a while. After some time dealing with his loss and wondering how it was possible that everyone forgot about Stephen and his promise to God, John was performing and felt God telling him to play the song. Powerful, powerful stuff.

The incredible thing is how God is absolutely using this song to move the youth of the nation. I was at Creation West a couple of months ago and that song was probably played 5 different times by five different artists throughout the weekend. It is on David Crowder's new CD as well as The Glorious Unseen's new album. Flyleaf, Barlowgirl, Jeremy Riddle, Hillsong, Kim Walker and countless others have covered this song. It is actually a regular part of Flyleaf's set.

This success and reach of this song, I believe, is due to the fact that it was born out of a time of greif. John didn't sit down and decide to write an incredible worship song. He poured his heart out and let his greif form words, what few words it could, and this was the result. This is worship at its root--bearing your heart to God and holding nothing back.

If you haven't heard it yet, go listen to How He Loves. Let it move you.

This is the End, Part 3

Yesterday was mylast day of work at Papas, so I figure I should get moving on fishing up this series.

***

I have learned a lot about myself in my time at Papa Murphys, especially through 2009. On New Years Eve, Heather had a very intense but heartfelt conversation with me privately at work. It was as both a manager and a friend. That conversation continued on several times throughout this year and I think it has finally started to sink in, but not without some casualties.

I am a jerk.

I am prideful.

I am easily angered.

I put myself before others.

I gossip.

I say hurtful things.

I am judgemental.

These are all parts of me that I have learned about the hard way over the last 8 or 9 months. I have lost some very dear friends of mine because of it. I have cried many tears. Its been painful.

But there is hope.

Mine is not a story of sorrow but of redemption! The last month or so has been one of the most incredible for me in terms of what God is doing in my life. He has told me to seek forgiveness from the people that I have hurt. He has begun to mend relationships that are broken. He has caused me to grow up in so many ways!

Even in the last couple of days, God has been fixing the areas of my life that have been ruined by my sin nature. I feel so relieved to be leaving Papa Murphys on good terms with everyone there. To be honest, even a week ago I didn't think that that would be possible. But that is what is so wonderful about God! He is transforming my way of thinking. He is transforming my opinions of others. I am becoming more and more obedient to His word!

***

Over this last month, I had really been feeling convicted to talk to one of my friends about some stuff included seeking her forgiveness for something. I had tried to talk to her for a while but some stuff happened and we weren't able to. I really wanted to talk to her this weekend since it was our last weekend as coworkers. I decided to write her a letter. I usually am really a lot better at writing people letters than talking to them in person. I am not a confrontational person. So on Thursday night I wrote this girl a letter. Unfortunately, I started falling asleep halfway through writing it. I couldn't concentrate and so I gave up for the evening.

Well Friday I went to work with no letter to give to this person and didn't think all that much of it that evening. But about 45 minutes before I got off, I had this feeling that I needed to actually talk to this person. Like have a conversation with them. With dialouge. Where they could call me on my inadequacies. Where I was vulnerable. I was scared. But after five minutes of wrestling with whether or not I shoud, I asked this girl if we could talk for a big after work. She said yes.

Let me tell you, I was so relieved after that conversation that its almost ridiculous. I had had a permanent knot in my stomach for the last few weeks that I had stopped recognizing until it was gone. God gave me the courage to speak my heart and he blessed both my friend and I through it! It was amazing!

***

I have one other person that I can't go without mentioning--Shelby. I have actually known Shelby since she was in kindergarten. She is two years older than me and is my sister's age. We didn't really talk at all until my sophomore year when we were in drivers ed together. It was later that year that we became coworkers. Shelby has become one of my very closest friends if not my best friend. She is an amazing girl who is such an inspiration to me! We can talk about anything and that is amazing. I thank God so much for providing us with our friendship.

I just couldn't not talk about Shelby in my Papas blogs.

***

If there is one thing that I hope you can take away from the story of my time at Papas, it is redemption. I've screwed up so much in so many ares over the last 2 and a half years but God still loves me and still blessed my life in more ways than I can count. Although I am extremely sad to be leaving, I am so excited for the future! I know that this is the right move for me and am so thankful for all that Jeff and Penelope have done for me!

This is the end...

This is the End, Part 2

Here is the second part of my Papa Murpys blog.

***

As I worked more at Papas, I began to get to know everyone better. Penelope held a girls Bible study on Tuesday nights that five or so of my coworkers went to. I started going to that and it was really awesome! I wasn't in a youth group at the time so the Bible study served as my youth group. We would hang out afterwards and I started getting to know everybody really well.

Despite getting along with everyone so well, I had one coworker that I felt hated me. Her name was Jocelyn. She was kind of cold to me, so it seemed, and I just felt like she didn't like me. I was actually kind of scared of her.

***

One Friday night, an old coworker Brandi was in town to visit. I didn't know her, but she seemed really nice. Everyone was going out to the movies that night to spend time with Brandi and they invited me along. My parents said I could go and I was pretty excited! This was actually my time going out with the crew after work. There were ten of us who went. I ended up sitting next to Jocelyn.

We went to this horrible Nicholas Cage movie called Next. It was so ridiculously cheesy and we were all laughing at things that weren't supposed to be funny. But really, Jocelyn and I were the ones laughing the most. I know it sounds cheesy, but from that night on we were really good friends.

We hung out together a lot. Going to the movies, to the mall, to the gym, the Donut House, anything really. Although she was two years older than me, were both starting school at Skagit Valley College in the Fall of 2007. We went to orientation together and then just hung out even more. She was the first best friend I had had in years. She was like my sister.

***

In the beginning of September 2007, my older sister moved to Leeds, England to go to school. At first, this wasn't too big of a deal. I got used to it really quick. I definitely enjoyed having a bigger bedroom! But deep inside of me, I was hurting really bad. Its really hard to go from having a sister to basically not. We couldn't talk on the phone because it was too expensive and we had a hard time video chating because the connection was always bad.

In the beginning of December 2007, my manager Heather invited me to go to a play in Seattle with her, her sisters and their husbands. Heather and I were definitely friends but we weren't very close. She was four years older than me, so we never really hung out outside of work. It kind of caught me off guard that she invited me to this play, but I was really excited. She paid for my ticket as a Christmas present and told me that she just felt like she needed to invite me.

We went out that evening and had an amazing time. From then on, we hung out a couple of times a week. We would close together at work and then just go grocery shopping together. We went to concerts together. We went shopping and she helped me pick out nice clothes for my office job.

Heather also is a very strong Christian and really helped me focus in on my relationship with Christ. She taught me how to view everything in God's plan. We prayed together a lot. She was the person that I went to whenever I had problems or something was bothering me.

She was the big sister I needed.

***

Around February of 2008, some major things happened with Jocelyn that caused us to drift apart a bit. Its not like we got into a big fight or something, she just was making some choices that I really did not agree with at all.

This was around the same time that Heather and I were getting closest in our friendship. As I lost Jocelyn, Heather became my new best friend.

Now that isn't to say that Jocelyn and I weren't close anymore. Jocelyn was and still is a very close friend of mine. We just weren't close in the same way. We couldn't talk about the things we used to. She couldn't give me advice how she used to. Things just weren't the same.

***

I grew up a lot over this time at Papa Murphys. Maybe it was because I was in college, but I really credit a lot of it to Papas. I learned responsibility. I learned teamwork. I learned how to work hard. I learned that work could be fun!

I also learned a lot about myself...

***

I'll stop there for tonight. I'll update again later this week. I actually am thinking that there are going to be two more posts for this series. I have a lot more to say. A lot of confessions. A lot of apologies. A lot of thank yous.

Not that any of my coworkers will read this...