Coming to Terms

Today is February 13th, which means tomorrow is February 14th--Valentines Day. Lets recap my last 17 Valentines Day's.

1st-15th: My big sister's birthday is Valentines Day, so my first 15 were spent celebrating with her. She moved to England for college when I was barely 16, so there goes that excuse!

16th-17th: I worked at Papa Murphy's Pizza and Valentine's Day was one of our busiest days of the year. Both years, I worked until about 8 or 9 and then went to dinner and a movie with my coworkers. None of us had dates, so we all just hung out.

So that brings us to this year. My 18th Valentines Day. I no longer have my sister or my job to hide behind. So here it goes.

I don't date and most of my friends don't talk to me anymore; therefore, I have absolutely no plans this year to celebrate Valentines Day.

I sent out a text message to a bunch of girls at the beginning of the week, wanting to plan a home cooked dinner followed by a movie. I even offered to cook! I sent that out to 8-10 people and only heard back from one. And that was about three days after I sent out the text. She said she'd have to ask her parents. I told her not to bother, that it wasn't going to happen.

Honestly, I at first wondered if something was wrong with my phone, if it wasn't receiving text messages for some reason. But every time I convinced myself that was the problem, I remembered that another person had just texted me earlier that night and we had had a conversation (this was usually my friend who lives out of state). So really, there were no excuses there.

I am pretty much giving up on my friends now. I guess I really shouldn't call them that anymore. I only really have three people from my old core group that I would still consider friends. The rest? Well, I am just trying to avoid them because I know they will act all friendly to my face and I will once again have hope that things aren't like I thought. Thats never the case, though.

So now I'm trying to branch out more, hang out with people I haven't seen or talked to in a long time. I'm going to an improv night at the high school with a girl named Rachel, who I've known since 5th grade but had a couple of falling outs with. We 'made up' a couple of years ago. She and my sister are fairly good friends and she and I are friendly with each other as well. It should be a fun night.

But really, I just can't wait to move to Bellingham and then Nashville, to meet a whole fresh new crop of people. Thats the problem with small towns like Anacortes--after a while, you've met everyone. If you can't make many friends, you're pretty much out of luck.

So there you have it. I am spending my Valentines Day alone, save for probably my guitars.

Here's to hoping that next Valentine's Day, I'll actually have friends.

2/4/10

I am currently laying in a hotel bed in SeaTac. I’m down here for a conference for work and I am loving it! This is our second weekend in a row of being down here for conferences. I am learning so much to help me not only in my job but for my life. The whole focus of these conferences is to teach us how to use things like good communication to make the patients feel cared for. This has been helping me build knowledge for my personal life on how to treat people with the respect that they deserve so that they can do the same for me. This includes communication and emotions.

Honestly, the last few months have been really rough for me. When I quit Papa Murphys, I thought that I was good friends with everybody and we would all keep in touch and hang out a lot. Well, I was wrong. I really only regularly hang out with one person from there and even my time with that person has begun to dwindle. Because that was pretty much my only group of friends, the last few months have been really lonely and that has been taking a big toll on me emotionally. I have suffered from a lot of things and done a lot of things that I’m not proud of.

Now I am in a sort of rebuilding stage. I’m trying to change the way I look at situations, stop jumping to conclusions, be more flexible and be less reliant on other people. This is a really tough thing for me because I am such a people person. However, I am making some good progress. That being said, my friendship levels are still quite low. I really only regularly hang out with one person (who is, coincidentally, another Papa Murphys castaway). I love this girl dearly, but I can’t rely on just one person to serve all of my friendship…needs.

I live in a small town with not many people my age and really haven’t found too many people who are on the same level as me and who can be in an ‘iron sharpens iron’ sort of relationship with me. I am so, so ready to move away, but I am not ready yet to do that. I will be moving about 45 minutes away at the beginning of 2011 to a city much bigger than where I live now and I am definitely excited for that; however, that living situation will only be lasting for at most six months. After that, I’ll be moving back home for another year before I can move out of state. This wait is so hard for me and will only get worse. I need to be in certain types of relationships that I just haven’t had for a while.

I feel like the one consistent thing in my life lately—my job—has really been helping me out with getting through this rough patch. I’ve been learning so many of these that will help me become a better person and help me be a better friend to people. But honestly, the thing that I need to cling to is my relationship with Jesus. Its interesting to me that when things are toughest, people will either run towards God or away from Him. And unfortunately, in my case, I feel like its been the away. I tell myself constantly that I will work to build my relationship with Him again, but it just never happens. I guess my goal for myself is to just make it happen.

If you feel so inclined, please pray for me in this.

Tattoos!

Alright, I am itching to get another tattoo so I've begun some research. I would like to get one on my right foot that sort of matches my left foot. That means basically that it is a 5-character Greek word. I've come up with a couple of options. Of course I'm not going to rush into it...I'm gonna make myself be solid on an idea for at least 6 months before I get it. But I still thought I'd share.

Mercy in Greek: ἐλεέω

Hope in Greek: ελπίς

Grace in Greek: χάρις

Also, I have been strongly entertaining the idea of getting 'Jesus Christ' or 'Yaweh' or 'Yeshua' or something of that form tattooed onto my ring finger underneath my promise ring where my wedding ring will some day reside.

If you feel like sharing your opinions, go right on ahead.

1/13/2010

This five-day conversation may be about to take an interesting turn.

Katie's Top 10 Albums of 2009

I wrote up one of these last year when I disagreed with what I had read on various music websites. This year, I started much earlier and finished much later writing it and put a lot more detail into it. I did kind of rush at the end just because its already January 12th. I also switched up the order at the last minute. I'm not sure that this is my perfect list. It (mentally) might change once I listen to some albums more. But I'm not going to rewrite it if that happens. This is gonna be set in stone.

The basic format is that the first paragraph is more of a basic outline of the album with background info and all that, while the second paragraph is my personal opinions and thoughts.

Let me know what you think!


ONE
Memento Mori by Flyleaf (November 10, 2009)
Flyleaf may have left more than a four year gap between their self-titled debut album and Memento Mori, but it was well worth the wait. This album is a masterpiece. Memento Mori is an ancient Roman phrase meaning ‘remember you will die.’ Running on that theme for the album, Flyleaf presents a set of songs speaking of the urgency we should feel when considering that we never know when we will die. Musically, this album is top-notch. The band has matured greatly, each member honing their skills on their particular instrument. They also broadened their sound, with songs on the harder side of things (Swept Away) and songs on the more pop-rock side (Missing). The album ends with the song Arise, a call for people to “arise and be all that you dreamed.” After one listen to Memento Mori, you know that the members of Flyleaf have done just that.

Most people know how big of a Flyleaf fan I am and how much their music means to me. When I say that I was excited for this release, I really mean it. But honestly, I did not expect Memento Mori to be this good. Musically, it is far superior to the band’s self-titled debut. Lyrically, the band has become much more personal and honest, adding to the value of this record. I am truly amazed with what Flyleaf has accomplished with this record and am very excited to see what it does over the next few months.

TWO
Love & War by Barlowgirl (September 8, 2009)
The Barlow sisters are known for creating music that is beautiful, convicting and honest. Love & War is no exception. As the title suggests, this album focuses on the love God gives us as well as the war we as Christians face in living out our faith. This album has a good mix of piano based songs and electric guitar based songs. One of the best parts of this album is hearing how greatly the Barlow girls have improved musically. When the band released their first album in 2004, the girls were just learning a couple of their instruments, mainly drums and bass. This being their fifth album, they have had much time to improve their skill. However, even compared with their last album, Love & War is a great improvement. Barlowgirl has created their best record to date, and one of the best this year.

When Barlowgirl first came onto the music scene, I was a 13 year old music snob. I reasoned that they only became popular because of the song that Superchick wrote about them and decided that they were not even worth listening to. Sure, I heard a couple of their popular songs and liked them, but wrote them off as the exception rather than the norm. Well, last fall I saw their CD How Can We Be Silent on sale for $5. I, for whatever reason, decided to get it and after the first listen was a fan. With Love & War being the girls’ first new album since my becoming a fan, I was excited to get to be a part of this release, listening to each new song as it was made available and anxiously awaiting my pre-order to arrive in the mail. Love & War really is a great album that I highly recommend.

THREE
Hell or High Water by As Cities Burn (April 21, 2009)
Tooth and Nail Records is signs a lot of unique bands that avoid sticking with any formula, As Cities Burn certainly being one of those bands. Their first release, Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest was full of screaming and heavy guitars. The band called it quits after this release but, after much support from fans and critics, decided to stay together. They recorded another album entitled Come Now Sleep, a major departure from the heaviness of their debut. With the screamer out of the band, Come Now Sleep consisted of mostly clean vocals with a lot more focus on instrumentation. Their newest album, Hell or High Water, continues along the path of its predecessor with a focus more on the melody of the music; however, it is a lot more drum-heavy and overall mellower. As Cities Burn really is a talented band and Hell or High Water finds them at the top of their game. It takes a lot of talent for a band to change genres with each album and As Cities Burn does it seamlessly. Unfortunately, less than three months after the album’s release, the band announced that they would no longer be making music. As Cities Burn covered a lot of ground in their five years with Solid State Records and will certainly be going out at the top of their game.

As Cities Burn is the type of band whose music requires multiple listens for the listener to capture the full meaning and beauty of the song. I really can’t recommend this album to everyone. It is quite experimental, definitely not something you would hear on a Top-40 chart. However, if that is a type of music that you like, you will love this album. I know that I sure did!

FOUR
Church Music by David Crowder*Band (September 22, 2009)
David Crowder. That name simultaneously brings rise to thoughts of amazing worship music and a rather quirky personality. David Crowder Band’s music has been a staple in the worship scene with songs such as Open Skies, Everything Glorious, All Creatures and Wholly Yours, just to name a few. Crowder creates his music to be both technical and simple. Church Music is an album that literally flows from each song to the next, reminiscent of A Collision while bringing in many familiar aspects from his last release, Remedy. The result is the top worship album of the year, a musical masterpiece that will engage the listener in God’s presence.

As I texted to one friend the day this album was released, Church Music is like the love child of A Collision and Remedy, taking the best qualities of each release and creating a five star album. With many guest vocalists including the DuPree sisters (of Eisley) and Lacey Sturm (of Flyleaf), Crowder manages to keep this album fresh without reinventing the band. I highly recommend this album to pretty much anybody.

FIVE
The End is Not the End by House of Heroes (March 3, 2009)
House of Heroes originally released End digitally in 2008, but waited until 2009 to release it in stores. This physical copy of the album included two new acoustically based tracks as well as an acoustic version of one of their songs. House of Heroes really brings it with this album, showing their skills in writing both quirky and serious lyrics as well as greatly improving musically. In the new acoustic tracks, they even show that they have a big of country in them. The long wait for this album was certainly worth it.

I was very antsy to pick up this album. I had to wait a few days after its official release to actually get it due to some shipping issues with local stores. I finally got the album almost a week later and soaked up the entire album over about three straight weeks of listening. The House of Heroes boys really know how to craft a catchy album that doesn’t necessarily follow the standards. The result is an instant hit about World War II, Communist girlfriends and God.

SIX
Heaven and Earth by Phil Wickham (November 17, 2009)
As one of the most talented voices in Christian music today, Phil Wickham created much anticipation for his third studio album, Heaven and Earth. Some of the tracks have a more electronic/synth feel to them while the remainder have a very organic sound. Phil’s honest, heartfelt lyrics combine with the emotion of his voice to create very passionate, beautiful songs. With songs like Safe and Because of Your Love, Phil managed to create great new worship songs without sounding corporate. Most everybody will thoroughly enjoy this album.

The instant I heard Phil Wickham’s first album, I fell in love with his music. His voice is so beautiful and his music so well crafted. Phil is one talented guy and that shines through especially well on this album. He has begun to expand his horizons musically with the increase in synthesizer use. This album has shown great growth musically and continued to showcase his incredible lyrics.

SEVEN
brand new eyes by Paramore (September 22, 2009)
Easily one of the biggest breakthrough bands last year, Paramore’s newest album, brand new eyes, was one of the most highly anticipated albums of the year. After completing a nationwide summer tour opening for No Doubt, Paramore released that album to fans worldwide. In its first week, eyes sold over 175,000 albums and was the number two album. With the addition of longtime touring member Taylor York to the band, the album had mostly loud, electric guitar based songs. Additionally, two acoustic based tracks, The Only Exception and Misguided Ghosts, were included on the album. Both unique tracks added nice variety. The album also gave attention to vocalist Hayley Williams’ incredibly wide vocal range. The closing track entitled All I Wanted featured high notes that most vocalists only dream of reaching. Paramore has another hit on their hands.

As a longtime fan of Paramore, I was extremely excited to see how popular the band got following the release of their sophomore album Riot!. While eyes didn’t quite have the same flowing feel as Riot!, it is a great example of this band’s talent. It’s a pretty honest album, analyzing some of the internal issues in the band that almost broke them up a year ago. It is detailed without being invasive and the result is spectacular.

EIGHT
Danyew EP by Phil Danyew (April 21, 2009)
Phil Danyew will be compared by many to his good friend and fellow musician Phil Wickham. On the surface, that comparison may seem accurate, but upon closer listen, you may begin to disagree. Danyew’s music has a more modern rock feel to it and his lyrics are less worshipful, though they still point the listener towards Christ. Danyew has a beautiful voice and is a skilled musician. His debut EP is a great introduction for him to the music community.

I bought Danyew’s EP on a whim as it was on sale for only a couple of dollars. I was surprised at the talent I found on the EP and when it ended, I found myself wanting more. There is a lot of good variety on this EP, despite its short, six-song track list. It will be interesting to see what we hear from Danyew when he releases an LP.

NINE
The Poema Demo EP by Poema (2009)
New Tooth and Nail signees Poema recently went into the studio with Aaron Sprinkle to record their debut EP, expected to be released in the spring. Prior to their signing with Tooth and Nail, however, the sister duo from New Mexico recorded a seven song EP out of their home and sold it through their myspace page. Most of the album’s tracks are love songs in some form, and these girls can pull them off. The standout track, entitled ‘Echo Off the Sky,’ serves as more of an encouraging song to the listener, telling them to “sing it out until the very last light goes out.” Poema has a lot of potential and, with Aaron Sprinkle’s history, their next EP should be something to look forward to.

Poema is one of those bands that just makes you smile. Their songs are so upbeat and happy that it is close to impossible to be in a bad mood for too long while listening to them. It is crazy for me to consider that these sisters are the same age as me and are signed to my favorite record label. I wish them nothing but the best and cannot wait to hear what new music they come out with.

TEN
Wake Up by Paige Armstrong (October 6, 2009)
Paige Armstrong has faced more in her nineteen years than most. At the age of ten, she was diagnosed with cancer. After much chemotherapy, she is now cancer free and has a message that she wants to spread to her generation. Her debut album, Wake Up is all about her generation rising up out of apathy and embracing its calling, whatever that may be. The musicianship on this album is tight, especially for a solo musician, and the lyrics are honest and convicting. Paige has a story to tell with music as her platform to tell it, and she is doing a fantastic job at it.

I heard about Paige Armstrong a few weeks ago on a music website and decided to listen to her. I honestly didn’t expect her music to be my type as many solo female artists stick to contemporary pop. I was very surprised, in a good way, with how strong of a debut this was. The lyrics, all cowritten by Paige, embrace her mantra of ‘anti-apathy.’ The strongest track on the record is The Story Song, which chronicles Paige’s battle with cancer with lyrics like “I fought the battle for life and it inspired me to live.” I think this album definitely accomplished what it set out to, urging this generation, my generation, to stand up and live our lives for more.

SOTD 1/10/10: Walls

Last night in Florida, To Write Love On Her Arms held their third annual Heavy and Light. It is a concert, this year featuring several musicians like Stephen Christian of Anberlin, Aaron Gillespie of Underoath/The Almost and Mat Kearney. Bryce Avary (The Rocket Summer) also performed last night and he debuted a new song called Walls. From the sounds of it, the regular version that will be on his new album will have electric guitars and all that good stuff, but this time he just played piano. It is a beautiful song full of hope and I am very much looking forward to hearing the full version.



The story of my life I can't quite comprehend
So tell me if you know how it ends
When everywhere you go feels like a mirror maze
And you're not sure how you're stuck in this place
And you've got nowhere else to go
And you're lost within your own home
You're trying so hard to win
You keep trying, it's embarrassing
And how you don't even know
But you know you're off the tracks
And how did you get in here
Thinking, how did I get in here
I'll help you break the walls down
I'll help you break the walls down
And bust you out
And take you home
Believe you me
You are not alone
I'll help you break the walls down
Does anybody know where February went
I was hoping that by now it'd be the end of this
But when you open up a book and read a thousand lines
But you don't really read, you just move your eyes
And you've got nowhere else to go
And you're lost within your own home
You're trying so hard to win
You keep trying, it's embarrassing
And how you don't even know
But you know you're off the tracks
And how did you get in here
Thinking, how did I get in here
I'll help you break the walls down
I'll help you break the walls down
And bust you out
And take you home
Believe you me
You are not alone
I'll help you break the walls down
And I know this is random
But just this morning I saw the sun reflecting off the lawn and window
Oh, I dont know why but I thought you should know
When you've got nowhere else to go
And you're lost within your own home
You're trying so hard to win
You keep trying, its embarrassing
And how you dont even know
But you know youre off the tracks
And how did you get in here
Thinking, how did I get in here
I'll help you break the walls down
I'll help you break the walls down
And bust you out
And take you home
Believe you me
You are not alone
I'll help you break the walls down
And all the weight that you carry will disappear
And I will willingly embrace your soul you lay ahead
So come on home
Come on home
Come on home
Home
Yeah

12/30/09

I'm at the movies seeing Sherlock Holmes with some friends. Scratch that--one friend plus four other people.

In other news, I think I'm depressed again and it sucks.